It's a game of failure and all about consistency. Not getting too high or too low. Tonight was a rough one. I'm not a good loser and I hope never to be. I love to compete! I love this game! But I HATE TO LOSE!
These past few months have been a roller coaster ride for me getting back into things. My pitching mechanics have put me through the ringer. I have been battling with them. There has been major internal struggles going inside this body. A major tug o war, nothing like you've quite seen of TV... A tug o war! You try to keep them in your body and far away from your brain/mind... this is the hard part. Not going mental... its not easy. Especially when you are battling yourself daily! I was debating to even write about it publicly but here I am.
I feel many others may have this same struggle and see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This game isn't easy, not even for Olympians! :) (and its not about what you've done in the past, its the past!) I'm not a quitter but when your mechanics won't cooperate its a rough ride. I know mentally what I need to do, its just getting the physical part to comply. It clicked about 2 weeks ago, Amen! I was filled with tears on the mound, finally I felt like I should feel. My pitches were moving like they should and I had that "pop"! Amen, I was dancing leaving the field! Now, its just trying to get my body to do this consistently. For a while I had to make a conscious effort every single pitch and at times it still didn't happen. I did it all, video taped, visualized, analyzed, prayed, it all... over and over. Honestly this was such a tough time for me about a month ago. But by God's grace, a lot of work, believers in me, I'm on my way out. Yes, through tears, struggle, doubt, many hours in frustration, Coaching, and much more it finally clicked. The moment I had been waiting for the magic click.
Now is the tricky part getting it to click each and every time. And yes I am greedy, click without even having to think about it. This is where I want to be. My first outing was on Wednesday night for the Bandits. Wow, it felt good out there. I was so stinking fired up! I'm back! Finally!
Of course, it never comes fast enough! Just when I thought this... well the Lord is keeping me on my toes. Keeping me humble and keeping me grateful for the good times out there.
Then came tonight... well it was a rough one. I didn't have it. I had bits and pieces of it in the pen but it wasn't that magical click. So I battled out there on the mound. There are going to be days where you don't have it, but I wasn't ready to take a step back. I want this train to keep moving! It was one of those days where I relied a lot on my change up and hitting my spots. I felt confident in getting 2 strikes but where was strike 3? I battled and thanks to my defense it didn't turn out too bad. 1 pitch, as soon as I let it go, I knew... I knew. Not good instantly. I haven't hung a screw ball like this one in a while. UGH, I will relive it over and over again for a while. The 1 pitch, the 1 mistake. YUCK! For you pitchers out there you know exactly where I am it with this.
After my outing I went over to the pen and it clicked again. The magic click. Wow, I had my legs again, I was finishing strong on my pitches, I had the "pop"! I know its within its just a matter of getting it there every time I step on the mound. Good news is my speeds were up, 67-68 on Wednesday! Good stuff... tonight there were down a bit. I need to continue to go to work and be as consistent as I can and continue that magic click. Every time. And battle even when that magic click isn't there, you battle and battle confidently. This is what makes you the pitcher, player, person you are... your battle.
It was a rough battle tonight for us on the field. Defensively we had it rough. But there were some great things on the field though at the same time. We came back twice, we had quite a few good at bats. In the end we beat ourselves... this game does this. Its a gut check... Luckily for us we have tomorrow, it is our first series, and we are loaded with talent. Its just a matter of continuing for consistency, working hard, respecting the game, and respecting our opponents. Its going to be a battle all year here in the Pro League, we play each team in a 5 game series. They are going to know us and we are going to know them. This is the best of best here in the NPF. It will come down to many dog fights and many whoever makes the first mistake loses kinda games. What an awesome season this will be! Great times!
However, we are aware of the fight and I'm proud to go to battle with these girls and we will be ready.
Loving this game, the good times and the bad times.
Dreaming & Believing... for the magic click every time!